The past five months have reminded me that the differences between men and women are rarely more evident than when there’s a new baby in the house. Let’s look at a few examples of these different approaches to parenting.

Wet diaper

Mom: Changes it right away to prevent diaper rash.

Dad: Feels to see if it’s squishy. If not, it can probably last another hour or two. Doesn’t that “8 to 14 pounds” on the package signify how much the diaper can hold? If it’s not within that weight range, Daddy ain’t changing it yet.

Dirty diaper

Mom: Changes it right away to prevent diaper rash

Dad (if mom is home): Pretends not to notice the odor—or if that’s impossible, passes baby off to mom with a pleading grin and a promise to do the dishes later.

Dad (if mom isn’t home): Changes diaper at lightning speed while holding breath and trying not to gag. Makes sure to give Mom a graphically detailed account of the experience when she gets home.

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(Before clicking the link below, let me add a huge disclaimer: Take seriously their disclaimer/content warnings! I only glanced through the story of Job before sharing the link, and I should’ve looked more carefully first. While many of the stories are free of potentially objectionable images for children, many do contain images you might not want your kids to see. The creators of the site have put in place a ratings code; please preview the tagged stories before showing them to your kids!)

The Bible illustrated with Lego!

This is a really cool idea, even if I wish they hadn’t felt the need to graphically depict some of the things they chose to include. Eli is a huge Lego fan and I hope to share the safer illustrations with him, because they are pretty cool. Especially the green and scabby Job—poor Job. I couldn’t help laughing at how he was depicted!

Speaking of Lego, did you hear that a Legoland Discovery Center is slated to come to Atlanta next year? Here is an article about it. I really hope it happens–Eli will be ecstatic!

The Discovery Center is a smaller version of the bigger Legoland Parks. At the moment, the closest one is in California. But I just saw that Cypress Gardens in Florida is building what will be the world’s biggest Legoland!

I foresee a whole lot of little plastic bricks in my future…

Oh, it’s been ages since I had a real haircut! The high-risk pregnancy, the husband’s unpaid furlough days at work, the adjustment to new motherhood again—all of it combined has meant that it’s been over a year since I had a real hair cut and coloring.

I am not by any means a trained cosmetologist, so a year of DIY coloring and trims had left me with a messy, heavy mop of frizz on my head. So it felt FABULOUS to go see my dear hairdresser Becky again today and let her work her magic.

I swear I feel ten pounds lighter!

The BEFORE pic:

And AFTER:

I love it!!!

I don’t know who wrote this, but my friend Cheryl shared it today and it was too funny to not pass along. If you have pets you will surely relate!

The following was found posted ~very low~ on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats:

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. ~However, dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time,~there is no secret exit from the bathroom!~If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years – canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat’s butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

NOTICE TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don’t.

(2) If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That’s why they call it ‘fur’-niture.

(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don’t speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they (1) eat less, (2) don’t ask for money all the time, (3) are easier to train, (4) normally come when called, (5) never ask to drive the car, (6) don’t hang out with drug-using people; (7) don’t smoke or drink, (8) don’t want to wear your clothes, (9) don’t have to buy the latest fashions, (10) don’t need a gazillion dollars for college and (11)~if they get pregnant, you can sell their children .

And let me show off my furry children…

Lily and Max

Molly and Annie

We missed celebrating Mardi Gras last week. I was getting over a wicked case of food poisoning and not up to celebrating anything besides staying out of the bathroom.

You don’t hear of a lot of people commemorating Fat Tuesday around here, unlike when we lived along the Gulf Coast. Down there it’s a huge celebration with parades and parties.

But one of my favorite things about homeschooling is teaching cultural awareness through observing different traditions. My kids ask all year when it will be time to make Mardi Gras King Cake again. Baking it takes half a day, but it’s worth it. I use rich brioche dough filled with butter, cinnamon and brown sugar, topped with vanilla glaze and the traditional green, purple and gold sugar sprinkles.

It’s a million times better than anything you can buy, so I think we’ll be having our Fat Tuesday a week late. Obviously, we aren’t giving up sugar for Lent. But I’m not sure what to sacrifice instead.

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