Just look at this face…

Now imagine it pale, and sad and throwing up all day.

My poor Eli has been so sick today. It’s definitely the sickest I’ve ever seen him with a stomach virus. A few years ago, he had a fever that went to 105 and that was pretty darn scary. But this probably comes in second for his worst sick day ever.

He even said that earlier, hanging over the bucket, gulping for air: “Mom, this is the worst day ever.”

I probably sound like the biggest wimp in the universe, but when my kids are sick, I just want to go bawl in a corner somewhere. I can’t stand it. Give me all their illnesses, squared, and I’ll take them gladly. Anything to not have to see them suffer.

I know it’s just a bug, and probably by this time tomorrow, he’ll be feeling much better. I guess I feel a little extra guilt because I’m the one who brought the crud home to everyone else. I had it first, then Donnie, now Eli…thankfully Jonah hasn’t been sick (hoping immunity from Mama’s milk will keep him well). I’m worried that Zach will be next, as that’s usually how it goes. He might be a big ol’ 12 year old, with hands and feet the size of mine, but he’s still my BABY. And I don’t want any of my babies to be sick.

I thank God all the time that my kids are usually pretty healthy. Because I don’t know that I could handle it if they had to deal with some of the health issues that I’ve seen some friends go through with their children. I can’t imagine finding the strength to deal with that. I’m sure I’d muster it if I had to, but how would I cope when I’m such a wimp with a stomach virus?

I think a big part of it is just feeling so helpless. Bringing him drinks, tucking his blankets, standing beside him and speaking soothingly as he’s throwing up, cleaning up…they’re all I can do. I can’t make it go away. So I pray to the One who can, and hope that He will, soon.

If so, you’ve got to try Nivea’s A Kiss of Rejuvenation Q10! (And no, I am not receiving anything for sharing this!)

I picked up a tube of this on clearance the other day at Target. I’ve had the worst chapped lips this winter and nothing has helped them for long. But this stuff is amazing! I saw a difference in them the very first day I wore it. They are soft, not peeling, no longer cracked and hurting. LOVE this stuff! Must. Buy. More!

(And when I find something I love, I want to spread the love to my friends!)

I just finished reading a blog post by another homeschooling mother. In it, she talks about the loss of her precious daughter, Hannah. It is some heartbreaking reading. Maybe it just hit me extra-hard because of the sweetness of having a baby in the house, but I wept all the way through it. I sat down here at the computer, having just nursed my baby Jonah to sleep. Before I put him in his bed, I stared at his cherubic little face, tracing his cheek and ear with my fingertip, gently tousling his crazy, silky curls and thanking God for the joy this baby has brought into our lives. Reading a few minutes later about someone losing their little one was a sudden and agonizing contrast. I couldn’t dam the tears, my heart familiar with the pain of her loss and the frailty of life, and overflowing again with unspeakable gratitude for my sons.

I’ve never lost a baby as old as little Hannah, even though she was not very old at all. I’ve had three miscarriages that I know of. The last one was a year before Eli was born, a full nine years ago. But it’s true that a mother never really does get over the loss of a baby. I will always, always wonder who those babies were, and what they would’ve brought to our family.  I will always miss them, always remember them. I will always hang their angels on our Christmas tree, and whisper their names in my heart as I do so. And like tonight, when I hear another mother’s heartbreak over the loss of her own precious baby, I will weep, for her and for myself and for every other mother who has walked that dreadful path.

Perhaps those losses are one reason I’ve always longed for a house full of children. I know that no child can be replaced, but knowing how precious they are, and what it’s like to anticipate the arrival of one only to have it die, well…it changes a person. I feel like that by losing those babies, I have already lost so much. I don’t want to miss out on anything. It’s why I couldn’t bring myself to have my tubes tied after Jonah was born. (That might be TMI for some, but I’m just being real tonight.) I am definitely reaching the outer limits, age-wise, of childbearing, and chances are very good that I will never conceive again. But my heart is open to any additional blessings God might want to give us. I can’t bring myself to make a medical decision that tells Him unequivocally “No.” I trust Him to do what is best for my family.

I know that some don’t understand that perspective, and others don’t agree with it. But that’s OK. We’re all called to different paths and purposes, and who am I to say that God doesn’t call some to have just one child, or two, or none at all? Who knows the mind of God, but God?

Tonight, I pray for Him to comfort the mothers sitting up in NICUs around the world, and to strengthen the tiny babies fighting for their lives. May He soothe the terrified pregnant woman who just began bleeding, and stand beside those who will lay flowers beside a tiny tombstone today instead of holding their child in their arms.

May the God of comfort be with us all.

So, it’s been a sickie weekend around our house. It started with me Friday night. After enjoying a lovely evening of REAL snow, my stomach felt iffy. I ended up staying up all night with yuck coming out both ends. Lovely. Saturday was spent in bed, in a feverish fog. I’m still feeling a little dodgy, but am mostly on the mend.

I was really hoping it was just food poisoning; something only I ate, or just Donnie and I ate. It’s so pathetic when the kids are sick, and usually if it’s a tummy bug they have it first. I’m still holding out hope for the food poisoning diagnosis. I guess if the kids are still well by the end of the week, we’ll know that’s what it was.

Anyway, Donnie  started running a fever and feeling queasy today. And when he’s in the bed,  sick, I feel like I’ve lost my right arm or something.

Maybe it’s my own version of PTSD, a dread of having to single-parent again, this time with a young baby. I just realized that sounds like I’m afraid he’ll die–that’s NOT the case! LOL But I realize when he’s out of commission how we operate as a team, and with this baby, it’s been more true than ever. He’s such a great dad, involved in every way he can be. He’d probably take on some of the breastfeeding too, if there wasn’t that pesky biological barrier there.

I guess when you’ve been married as long as we have (19 years and counting) you tag-team rather effortlessly, even though it doesn’t always feel that way. You don’t realize how much you count on each other until the other person is out of commission. I hope he’s better soon.

If you’re married (or aren’t, but want to be) this book is a must-read.

I’ve read a lot of books on marriage. Sometimes I read them during rough times, seeking answers and guidance on making it through. Other books were read while things were good and I was in search of ways to keep it that way.

This is definitely the best book I have ever read on the subject.  Maybe it’s because I’ve always felt that creating a good marriage is some of the hardest work on Earth, and this book acknowledges that from the start. It’s so easy to let things slide through the years, to develop the habit of fighting against your spouse instead of fighting FOR him or her. The Eldredges explain how to overcome these destructive habits and start building a solid future together again.

And the process involves a lot of self-examination; no more wondering how to change my husband, but examining how I can and must change the way that I relate to him and people in general. It’s not a warm and cozy comforting read, but a hard-hitting challenge to work on yourself.

That makes it sound harshly written, but it’s not. There are laughs throughout the book, and love flows through it.

If you’ve found yourself wondering how to improve your own marriage, or what it takes to create a good one, click here and get your own copy. You won’t be disappointed.

From the publisher:

What the Eldredge bestsellers Wild at Heart did for men, and Captivating did for women, LOVE & WAR will do for married couples everywhere. John and Stasi Eldredge have contributed the quintessential works on Christian spirituality through the experience of men and the experience of women and now they turn their focus to the incredible dynamic between those two forces.  

With refreshing openness that will grab readers from the first page, the Eldredges candidly discuss their own marriage and the insights they’ve gained from the challenges they faced. Each talks independently to the reader about what they’ve learned, giving their guidance personal immediacy and a balance between the male and female perspectives that has been absent from all previous books on this topic.   They begin LOVE & WAR with an obvious but necessary acknowledgement:  Marriage is fabulously hard.  They advise that the sooner we get the shame and confusion off our backs, the sooner we’ll find our way through.  

LOVE & WAR shows couples how to fight for their love and happiness, calling men and women to step into the great adventure God has waiting for them together. Walking alongside John and Stasi Eldredge, every couple can discover how their individual journeys are growing into a story of meaning much greater than anything they could do or be on their own.

This was book was provided for review by WaterBrook Multnomah.