Sunny Cold Sadness

15Jan2014 Filed under: blah-blah-blog

I haven’t said much on this blog about our adoption plans, but very soon, I’ll be traveling to Uganda to (God willing!) bring home the sweetest school-aged girl.  I haven’t wanted to link our adoption blog with this one, because of privacy concerns. But if you know us, and you’re interested in following it, leave me a message and I’ll send you the link.

I’m not having an easy time with the impending separation from my boys. I posted something today on Facebook and several friends left the most encouraging comments. Fellow mothers, they understand what I’m feeling but also gave me the push I needed to keep on facing reality when all I want to do is wave a magic wand over my life and fast-forward to spring, when our new daughter is here and our family is together again.

I’m finding that as the departure date grows nearer, I am absolutely drinking in the simplest moments with my kids. I snapped these pics the other morning, of cutie-pie Jonah in his jammies, playing on my bed. It was such a warm and happy moment, with the golden morning light filtering through the blinds.

Jonah1

I didn’t want to forget what he looked like right then. I didn’t want it to end.

jonah3 jonah4a

I probably shouldn’t even bother wearing makeup when we go to the airport, because I know I’m going to be sobbing all the way. I mean, how do you leave this level of cuteness behind?

jonah5

It isn’t just sadness over leaving my kids that will bring on the waterworks, but also the overwhelming excitement, anticipation and nervousness over what is to come:

What if our daughter doesn’t like us?

What if the judge refuses to grant us guardianship?

What if someone gets sick?

What is going to be like sticking out like a sore thumb everywhere I go?

What if takes way longer than I’m anticipating?

What ifs. They can drive a girl crazy if she lets ‘em.

So my goal for the next few days is to not lose myself in worry and fear, but cling to the love we’ve built in this house and the fact that God has allowed us to share it with one more little soul.

That’s not a small thing at all.

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