Today has been…well…let’s call it a “Monday-Flavored Tuesday.”
Of course, all Tuesdays following holidays feel like Mondays.
Here are the Top Ten “Highlights” of the day. (And those are NOT Unnecessary Quotation Marks!)
But first, we have to laugh. Check out this graphic I saw on Facebook. Cracked. Me. UP! (Click on it to see it larger)
1. The Internet was off most of the day. So I tried to get some other work done, that didn’t require the use of the Internet. And then I realized that I couldn’t look up phone numbers online.
2. Shortly after the Internet crashed (and Comcast failed to say when it would be back on) my middle child turned green, said, “I don’t feel so good…” and you can guess what happened next. I am extremely grateful that he made it to the toilet in time.
3. Set the child up in bed with a bucket, a prayer and a promise that he could watch Netflix through his Xbox. And then I remembered item #1.
4. Eldest child exhibited much whining and gnashing of teeth because brother got the day off from schoolwork and he didn’t. Even went so far as to say, “I’d rather be puking than working.” Now, no mother in her right mind welcomes a stomach bug into the house, but part of me kinda hopes he finds himself hugging the porcelain throne soon so that he can be reminded that even algebra is not as bad as that. (And nobody’s ever accused me of being in my right mind, anyway.)
5. Jonah emerged from his brothers’ bedroom a little while later, stripped of everything but a diaper and the blue and red lines he’d drawn all over himself. With Sharpie markers. Of course, neither older boy would claim responsibility for leaving the Sharpies within J’s reach.
6. I had a box of whoopie pie mix in the cupboard. Jonah brought it to me the other day, opened, saying, “Cookie!” and was baffled that it only contained flat packets of stuff instead of already-made yummy cookie sandwiches. When I went to put the box away later, I noticed that the packet containing the cookie dough mix was gone. Couldn’t find it anywhere. But the dog was kind enough to show me where it was today. All that remained was a sticky, chocolate-smeared, tooth-punctured plastic pouch, totally devoid of cake mix powder. Dang, she’s good.
7. In other kitchen news, Jonah swiped a full bottle of cinnamon sugar and poured it all over his carpet and bedding. So I vacuumed the whole house. Yeah, doesn’t make sense to me, either. Maybe it’s because the Interwebs were still down.
8. My sister texted from the ER to tell me that a serious health issue she had a couple of weeks ago might be coming back. Thankfully, it wasn’t. But I was worried about her.
9. I could be the poster child for the television commercial for the antibiotic I’m taking. “May cause tiredness, headaches, nausea, stomach pain, muscle cramps, joint pain and irritability.” Now, I’m no doctor, but I think, perhaps, the irritability could be the direct result of the other six side effects.
10. Jonah’s favorite hobby (besides dumping food products around the house, drawing on himself, and streaking) remains punching every button on the TV and remote controls until the screen is devoid of everything but Spanish closed-captioning.
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Kari Apted is a writer and speaker residing in Georgia with her husband, three sons, and an ever-changing menagerie of pets. She writes a humorous weekly parenting column for The Covington News and freelances for various publications.more»